Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
