She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
