oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
