My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
