Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We got so high we made milksteak
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
