Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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