Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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