I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
