2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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