YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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