I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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