the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
