Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my being single is dangerous.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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