imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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