Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
