oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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