the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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