Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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