I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
