There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
