Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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