Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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