Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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