dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
