The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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