is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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