You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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