I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
