So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
