Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
