So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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