but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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