so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
