I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
