Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
