I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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