woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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