Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
