omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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