So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
