He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
