and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
