I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
