Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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