Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize