I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
