how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
