The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
