We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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