I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
