After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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