A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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