At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im holly from the hills drunk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
