I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
