a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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