she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He kissed a someone with a penis
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
