Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
