I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
