he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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