New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
