U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
