Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
