Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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