Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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