Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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