Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
