Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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