His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I want to be your penis for a week.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
