I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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