dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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