She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
