Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
