Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
