theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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