im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
