You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
