he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had sex on a roof
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
