An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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