somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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