i was born a porn star she said
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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