He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
